Auckland Therapy Counselling and Psychotherapy

Frequently Asked Questions

Some people naturally have concerns or questions about therapy. Please feel free to anonymously ask any general questions you have about Auckland Therapy and our services. We will endeavour to post a response to your question on this page with 48 hours.

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Questions & Answers

Q: I am 15 yrs old and I've been bullied at my school since I was in fifth grade. The school got me talking to a social worker bout my anxiety and the bulling but here lately it feels like its getting worse. I get nervous around everyone I come home from school and just lock myself in my room. I feel nervous I don't eat or drink. I wont talk to any of my friends so now thy think there is something wrong with me. What do I do? Help......
A: Sounds like you are developing increasing anxiety symptoms from the ongoing bullying . I would encourage you to get further help. I suggest you give 'What's up?' a call. They are a phone counselling service for young people facing difficulties just like you. To talk to a counsellor, call 0800 WHATSUP or 0800 942 8787 free from noon to midnight, seven days a week. Also have a look at thelowdown.co.nz - a brilliant kiwi website. Whatever you do please keep reaching out - please contact us again if you hit any brick walls.

Q: I'm 24years old I've always been shy & antisocial but lately it's getting worst I just wanna hide in my room I'm scared to go to work as I just can't get on with co workers I'm sad all the time I get hot & sweaty when around people I feel so dumb.
A: Sounds like it time to get some help. I suggest you get in touch with one of the team, make an appointment and take it from there. If that's too hard at least talk to a doctor about medication options or do the program on www.depression.org.nz  to stabilize your mood then get to some therapy to sort things out long-term.

Q: I think my husband has some sort of mental disorder. He can be loving and wonderful and then something (even he admits he doesn't know what) triggers him into a psychotic mood swing where he is nasty rambles like an idiot and is scary to be around. He also destroys personal items of mine that he knows will hurt me but says at the time he cant stop himself. We have been to marriage counselling but he wouldn't admit to anything. I am at the stage I want to leave him but I am scared what he will do in one of his moods and he has threatened if I leave he will take our 2 year old daughter and disappear. He has enough family who would support him in stupid actions like this. I have other children to that are also scared of him and that hurts me that I have put them in this position but am to scared to get out. I have no family in NZ for help or support so very alone.
A: Suggest you urgently get in touch with Women's refuge 0800 733 843 or (09) 378 1893 or Shine 0508 744 633.

Q: My Partner and I have been together for over a year and a half now, I've recently moved out to live with family friends as he has become very controlling and I cannot do anything without him as he gets upset and thinks I'm leaving him etc. [...editied...] PLEASE HELP, or suggest somebody we could talk to because I know he's not a bad person at all.
A: Sure - simply get in touch with any of our team who work with couples, make an appointment and take it from there.

Q: How do you get help for someone who doesn't think they have a problem?
A: It really depends on the circumstances. If it is a couples or family issues or they are a minor perhaps you could go to counselling as a couple or family. You could also consider talking to other people in their family or their friends to express your concern and get their input. If they are seriously unwell then you many need to take stronger action - see information about the Section 8 of the Mental Health (Compulsory Assessment and Treatment) Act 1992 five answers below.

Q: Hi. I am 19 and have found that I've started to get symptoms of schizophrenia. These symptoms can vary from anxiety, not being able to concentrate, problems sleeping not being social. I am really starting to get scared and don't know how to approach anyone about this. Can you please give me some advice or help?
A: Either way it is important to get an assessment to put your mind a rest and get appropriate help. Early intervention can make all the difference so seek help from either a doctor or a therapist to discuss your concerns and get an assessment. If that is a bit too scary give Youthline 0800 37 66 33 or Healthline 0800 611 116 a call to talk through your options.

Q: My husband is mentally sick, gets depressed very often and is difficult to handle. He does not want to see a therapist because he thinks it will cost too much? Where can I get help from?
A: Given the potential seriousness of the situation I suggest you call Healthline 0800 611 116 which is a free 24 hours service staffed by experienced nurses and talk to them about your concerns.

Q: All apart from 3 are me but apparently my adobe ja ja is not adequate - now what
A: I'm sorry I don't understand your question.

Q: Hi am 61 in September 2012 - male. I have been to my GP in the past who gave me medication for what he termed depression. It changed nothing about the way I feel about myself and life. My whole life I have had what I call early childhood "flashbacks" of possible sexual abuse at a very early age and I have had many meaningless sexual affairs over my 40 year marriage! Is there any point to speaking with anyone at this late stage?
A: Sure - people can make significant gains from therapy at any age.

Q: Hi , I am a mum of a 16 year son. My son is not too well he was taking drugs and smoking weed in the past. Because of using this substances he said he can hear people talking he will laugh. After seeing doctors he was prescribe with Olanzapine and Lithium. Sometimes his very irritating doesn't want to have shower brush his teeth. I need help for him don't know what to do, got the local community helping me. Can you please give some advice or help.
A: Try getting him with Marinoto Child and Youth Mental Health Services - they have a good name with these sorts of issues.

Q: Hi. I am 29 years old. My mom she was mentally ill since I was 16 years old. She used to say that she can hear trees talking to her and people following her etc. However the problem is she won’t admit she was ill and refused to take any medicines. Today she talked to me with a lot of random topics. She got angry with no reason during the conversation. I have no idea what I should do. My GP informed me unless your mom is physically hurting people or herself, otherwise no one can force her to go to hospital. She refused when I mention about going to talk to GP and when I ask her to start taking the medicines. If it’s in this situation, what can we do? I just had a feeling that she’s going to breakdown just like before. Can you help please? [edited]
A: Section 8 of the Mental Health (Compulsory Assessment and Treatment) Act 1992, often referred to as the Mental Health Act enables mental health services to compulsorily assess, treat or hospitalise people who have a mental disorder and are a serious danger to themselves or others, or have a seriously diminished capacity to take care of themselves. A judge will decide on this after hearing from the person, psychiatrist, lawyer, and perhaps others. For general advice and support you friend could call Healthline 0800 611 116 which is a free 24 hours service staffed by experienced nurses and talk to them about your concerns. You could also contact a support organisation like Supporting Families in Mental Illness www.sfauckland.org.nz. Please note that if at any stage there is imminent risk of her harming herelf or another then seek urgent help. The emergency phone number for the Auckland Mental Health Crisis Team is 0800 800 717 or call emergency services 111.

Q: I am 37 years old and it has only just been explained to me that i have been suffering from post traumatic stress disorder since I was a child when I was first sexually abused by my uncle. I have a son who is 6 years old and I am worried about him now too. up until a few weeks a go he was a happy confident boy, now he is rude, has nightmares and talks back to me. I am worried he too has what I have. A friend looked after my son for a whole day and that night the nightmares began. My son says he was nice to him the whole day and was happy, but I'm suspicious. How can I find out and get some help?
A: Suggest you get in contact with Sue and have a chat to her about her services. I also refer you to the following NZ police webpage.

Q: Hi I am a victim of abuse since childhood and found out I ended up with bipolar have been under the mental health, I’ve had changes in my meds for so long that I feel that nothing has changed, feel like I haven’t been heard and nothing healing for me I’m still suffering, this has made a huge impact on my life loss my own family, also the lost of my relationships. that I always felt that I’m the blame & neglected that it was the bipolar that control me as I was growing up with it, I had too many people in my life under this section who suppose to help make a difference, could I be lucky to get the therapy I need and get back my life to balance too. I become so frightened of this world. Could you help me with some therapy, I’m not sure if I qualify for acc funding.
A: I suggest you contact one of our ACC therapists for sexual abuse or trauma and have a chat to them to find our if you might qualify for acc funding.

Q: Your website has to be the electronic Swiss army knife for this topic.
A: Thank you - we appreciate your feedback.

Q: I've been sent to hospital about three times last month for inflammation in my heart and at the same time I quit smoking cold turkey. During the time I was going through withdrawals and stress through family losses. Now I'm feeling a lot scared worried and I think my anxiety level is a bit high. It is affecting my work environment and my family. I sometimes think when I have little aches on my chest that I'm going to have a heart attack which makes me panic and feel that I'm going to black out. I've seen my doctors and they think that I am still going through the smoking withdrawals. Is there a way I can be helped.
A: Goodness you have are going though a lot. Sounds likes it is really taking an emotional toll. I would certainly recommend you get some help so you have a chance to talk all this through and make some sense of it all.

Q: My daughter is 12 years old. She has had difficulty all her life socially, is very shy, cries, and when her anxieties are very high doesn't eat, drink talk and goes into a deep depression. She's been under wharanki for two years they won't say she has Asperger's just shows traits. Our GP has full out a medical and has said under his opinion she has Asperger's.  She's has been her GP for 8 years. I'm also a trained special needs teacher aide and I have always thought she showed many traits of Asperger's.... doesn't like loud noise ...doesn't like taste and texture of certain foods ...gets fixed on certain things doesn't like change at all ... never ever had a babysitter cries at the thought of having to do something that's out of her comfort zone...has just started to sleep in her own bedroom in her own bed the list goes on and on and she isn't as mature as her peers and talks like a baby but has a body of a teenage girl. My daughter is medicated as life goes on its getting harder for her to grip the world and she seems to have longer episodes of anxiety and depression and harder for anyone to connect to her. She starts college 2012 its a nightmare already, meds have been increased she just had a week in bed wouldn't connect to anyone my GP the school and she is under the RTLB are wonderful but what else can I do ...please help. It also doesn't help that I have a problem with depression and her older sister has been sick with glandular fever I have no one from Feb 2012 to turn to as my family are all leaving the country I don't know what support groups their are please can you help me. Kind regards.
A: Asperger's is a complex condition. I suggest you get in contact with Colleen who is a specialist in this field.

Q: Is there any therapist that specializes in older age relationship problems where no children are involved, where emotional / psychological abuse is the issue. I am 61
A: Any of our more mature, more experienced therapists, particularly those who regularly work with couples would suit.

Q: My 20 year old daughter was in the thick of the two Christchurch earthquakes and is suffering from post traumatic stress. Can you please advise which of your counsellors would be best for her to see to help her with this.
A: I suggest one of out ACC approved injury and trauma counsellors as she may be eligible for ACC funding.

Q: Hi, I have recently been diagnosed with OCD. I do not believe that I have OCD but some traits that could easily come across as OCD. I have been on medication for four weeks now, and my mood seems to have lifted tremendously. Do I have to have OCD for medication to work? How can I be sure I have OCD? I do agree that I have some symptoms, but I find it hard to live with. Am I able to have a normal life? I mean is it so bad to have OCD? or is it ok? Can I heal myself naturally? Do I need therapy which I really don't want. What causes OCD?
A: It sounds like you have a lot of questions. This is not surprising as this would be a lot to get your head around and if your mood was low you may not have been a state to do all that at the time of the assessment. If you mood has lifted perhaps it is a good time to take your questions back to whoever saw you as you already know each other. You could ask them to go over everything with you, explain or reconsider the diagnosis, discuss its implications, and if appropriate to explore possible treatment options. Such options might include counselling or psychotherapy in addition, or, as an alternative to medication.

Q: My partner comes across as though he is moody regularly. He makes friends uneasy but doesn't realise he is doing it. It is his body language and tone that isn't friendly. Is there any help we can get for him? He is not violent and doesn't get angry. It's more a frustration thing over the little things that annoy him.
A: If he realises there is an issues and is open to do doing some work then some therapy it is likely to prove useful. If he is resistant to it then some couples therapy may at least help you communicate how this effects you and its impact on the relationship.

Q: I am very worried about my 10 year old daughter, she has performed minor sexual acts with my 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter. I don't know how to talk to her about this I don't know who to talk to about this and I'm scared that something similar has happened to her. Please can you tell me where to go from here?
A: I suggest you contact Sue our child and family psychotherapist and have a chat to her about the situation and her services. She is ACC registered and conversant with such matters.

Q: Do you know of any DBT groups that run?
A: The only one I know of is run by the Auckland District Health Board through Segar house. Google 'Segar House Outpatient Programme' for more details.

Q: Method of contact please.
A: Please contact members of the team directly. Their contact details are on their profile pages.

Q: I'm 35 years old and consider myself successful in life however I continue to struggle with self-sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. I know what to do, how to do and why to do but keep failing and wonder if there is more to my failures. I don't respond well to the 'gentle touch' and the 'you have the power within you to change speeches' as it were so have been reluctant to go to counselling. Any suggestions?
A: Sounds like some psychotherapy would be a good option for your - that is talking with someone who has a deep understanding of unconscious process and making sense of what is happening at a deep level. Another alternative is a psychotherapy group. Groups can be a tremendous help in both gaining self-understanding and supporting change - Anna Drijver (021 165 1711) is running a psychotherapy group for people who struggle with food in any way. Wednesday evening 6:30-8 pm in Birkenhead $40 per session.

Q: I'm wondering what the normal rate for counselling is. I am leaving school in a few weeks but still need to see a counsellor after I leave. I am 18 years old and don't have much money. Is there any free options for me out there?
A: All our team are independent private practitioners so have their own fees policies. Normally these are in the $90-$130 range per session. If people are struggling financially I generally  suggest people phone around and have a chat to a few therapists to explore options. These may include

It sounds like you may be seeing a counsellor at school - if so they may have some suggestions. How about Youthline - as well as their telephone counselling they offer face-to-face counselling. You would need to check with them regarding their fees which are either free or low cost.

Q: Hi, can you recommend anyone that I can talk to, to get help for my 17 year old son who self harms. He has been in counselling for a few years but I would like to find someone who specialises in this area. Thanks.
A: It really depends on what the underlying problem is - self harm is a symptom rather than a diagnosis - there are quite a number of possible distinct underlying conditions. Even so there are so many factors to consider such as what he wants, whether he is making progress of not, how he is getting on with his counsellor, his degree of risk etc. That said my gut level reaction is that if he is not responding after two years of counselling you should consider getting a full evaluation from a psychiatrist to check for neurological or psychiatric conditions. You could initiate this through his GP or in conjunction with his counsellor. Once you have this assessment you could then reevaluate the intervention options. You could also call Sue and have a chat to her about possible ways forward.

Q: I'm having a third life crisis. I'm so lonely, and can't imagine anyone ever loving me as I really don't like myself. I don't know what to do, I meet people I like all the time, but no one ever seems to like me. I'm pretty depressed, but don't want to go onto anti-depressants again, as they're so hard to stop. I need to talk to someone about my issues, but really can't afford expensive therapy. What can I do? Please help.
A: Given this state of misery if you can possibly afford it surely the cost of a year or so of therapy is a small price to pay. If you really can't afford it then have a read of the special funding page which briefly outlines some possible funding sources and alternatives.

Q: Hi, my husband & I have been married 22 years & have 5 children together. We have been to counselling twice before but my husband was not able to be real & instead laughed off any issues I had which was very frustrating for me. I had told him I wanted to separate but have agreed to try to move forward together. Would it be better to try individual counselling or couple counselling to try & retrieve our marriage?
A: It may be more about the goal that you take to counselling - sounds like the first goal could be to improve communication - if your husband would agree to a specifc goal then you could try couples counselling again focused on that specific goal.

Q: Extreme anxiety - do you have someone that deals with this?
A: Sure - as psychotherapist we are all trained and experienced in working with people experiencing intense emotional states.

Q: Hello I am very lost right now. I have been very deceiving to my partner of many years. [...edited...] We have 5 children and our 2nd child is the only one who looks different. What am I to do. If I tell him it will hurt him so bad. And what will this do to our son. I have just blocked it out and put it in the back of my mind. I have told myself time and time again to just be honest and come clean but I'm too afraid and selfish. What should I do? Or in other words how should I tell him?
A: Sounds like you have been thinking about this for a long time - perhaps it would be good to talk it though with one of our couples therapists to decide if you want to tell him and if you decide to support you through this.

Q: Hi my husband and I have been arguing quite a lot lately ever since he started his new job about 5 months ago. He has told me that he has done P 3 times since working at his new job. He drinks all the time now too. I've asked him not drink as much and not to ever do P again but he said I can't tell him what to do and to mind my own business. [...edited...] As he has said to me he doesn't know why he's still with me. If you are able to give some advice now that would be great I'm just confused
A: Perhaps some counselling with one of our couples therapists would help you both work out if you want to stay together and try and work things out between you.

Q: Hi I have been with my partner for 13 years now we are high school sweethearts. He has accused me of infidelity in the past but it was never true. He's the one who has been unfaithful. He has always been very controlling of me and physically, emotionally and verbally abusive toward me. He drinks almost everyday. ...[edited]... I don't have any friends. For me life is just unbearable I sometimes feel like ending it. I just wonder if I should even bother with this relationship anymore because it is so draining.
A: You are in an abusive relationship. It's time to get some help. A good place to start might be Shine Domestic Help Abuse Line 0508 744 633 or Lifeline 0800 543 354. You could also contact one of our ACC counsellors as you would probably be eligible for ACC funding.

Q: I was abused by a family member when I was 6 years old, I am now in my forties and have been dependent on alcohol. There is a family get together soon and don't want to go, but if I don't it will hurt other family members who do not known of what happened. what should I do... I don't want to go but don't want to upset my mother or father.
A: 40 years is a long to to carry such a secret - sounds like it has really taken a toll on your life - perhaps its time to get some help. You would probably be eligible for ACC funding.

Q: My partner has admitted to performing indecent acts at a neighbours clothes line. I have heard this is not his first indiscretion. How do I believe what he says and how do I get him to own up to his past so we can perhaps move on?
A: Psychologically such behaviour is likely to be the tip of an iceberg, in that it almost certainly covers over other issues such as anxiety, depression, historic abuse or other problems. This means that you are likely to need outside help both for him and your relationship. I suggest you contact Kathryn our specialist sex therapist who has a wealth of experience in this area.

Q: Over the last couple of years of marriage my drinking and smoking of cannabis has increased to the point that I am blacking out and being abusive to my partner in a vocal way, she has now asked me to move out and I have also lost a lot of time to be with my daughter. While this was going on I also received a promotion at work which is great but now I must perform even more and it can be stressful to say the least. I am always having panic attacks and I seem to find once I start thinking about anything negative it seems to come true. Who would you suggest I talk to? I live in Sandringham at the moment. Many thanks.
A: See our alcohol and drug specialists. They are also very competent to work with the anxiety and panic attacks which frequently accompany heavy alcohol and drug use. Please do contact one of them for a chat. We will do our best to find a way to meet your needs or to suggest alternatives.

Q: So a male therapist wouldn't think I was odd for choosing a male therapist to work through S.A. stuff with? I can't really explain why I'd prefer a male therapist for this though? Do you have male therapists that specialise in this area?.
A: Not at all. Really any of the team however if you want to make an ACC claim so you can get some ACC funding then David or Richard are ACC registered otherwise Tomislav has particular interest or experience in this area.

Q: My question may seem a bit odd however do you have therapists work with people of the opposite sex for predominantly gender related issues? Like a female therapist working with a male with anger issues? Or a male therapist working with a female with S.A. history? and if so does it work okay? I've often wondered this. I'd prefer a male therapist but have S.A. issues but worried it may be weird so it puts me off contacting anyone.
A: Great question - not weird at all. Quite a few people have a strong sense of which gender therapist that would prefer to work with. For instance some people may choose the gender they feel safest with. Other times a client may deliberately choose the  gender they find more challenging them as a way of addressing those issues.

Q: Where can you go to talk about sex?
A: I suggest you contact Kathryn our specialist sex therapist.

Q: I have a 14 year old son who has problems with anxiety and has developed rituals such as hand washing. These rituals are only on a small scale, so far and do not interfere with his life. My question is, would it be better to get help now or would this make him worse as he has a 'label' attached to him as anxious or phobic. I have spoken to him about anxiety as I also suffer from it but it made him worse as it made him worry more that he had a 'condition'. Thanks.
A: I suggest you contact Sue our child and family psychotherapist and have a chat to her about the situation and her services.

Q: Can I claim costs from Southern Cross Medical Insurance?
A: Depends on your plan - check with Southern Cross.

Q: Eligibility criteria?
A: WINZ counselling funding is available to beneficiaries and low-income workers. It requires some form filling  (Disability Allowance Application Form & Disability Allowance Counselling Certificate) plus a doctors sign off. There is info on their website but it is not easy to follow - WINZ. Check with WINZ in person for more details on income thresholds etc.

Q: I have trust issues with my partner of almost 4 years and I love him but I don't know what to do, I want to see a therapist but I am a university student and I can't afford to see one, what can I do please?
A: Have you tried your place of study? All the big universities and polytechnics have counselling centers and most of the smaller ones have contracts with agencies.

If not you could try Youthline as they offer free face-to-face counselling as well as their phone service. Yet again if you want to go private you could apply for a partial subsidy from WINZ for counselling. (This apples for all students, beneficiaries and even some low income earners).

Q: My husband cheated on me, and we are trying to work things out but I don't understand why he won't have sex with me?
A: Emotions might be running pretty high right now so some couples counselling could be helpful to reestablish communications between you both.

Q: My partner thinks I have minor anger issues. Who can I talk to as I want a little help resolving some of these.
A: Any of the team would be fine. I suggest you browse the profiles of the therapists that are most conveniently located for you, give one or two of them a call and have a chat about their fees, available times etc. This will give you a feel for who you would like to work with and take it from there.

Q: My husband had a mental breakdown a few years back and last year he suffered another one (more emotional) etc. He has not been 100% "right" and it's like I am married to a different man. During some days we had to be apart as I had to go on business he "got involved emotionally" with my best friend (not anymore). She claims it was not just emotional but "more" and he swears he did not touch her. When somebody is in a mentally broken down state (he used to do strange things - did not remember some things etc etc) could they possibly have kissed or been intimate with someone - and not realised it?
A: This sounds like a difficult and complex situation. Whatever did happen it sounds like you could do with someone to talk all his though with. I hope you take this opportunity to get some support for yourself.

Q: Do you have male therapists that work with suicidal ideation?
A: Yes, any of our male therapists.

Q: I have had bulimia for over 20 years. I make myself sick at least once a day, sometimes more. I also often binge-eat. Who can I talk to about this? I am tired of being like this.
A: We have two members of our team with particular experience with eating disorder Blair Schulze (Grey Lynn) Bron Deed (Sandringham). Bron is away until the end of September and Blair is not taking new clients however if you contact Blair I'm sure he will be able to suggest someone for you.

Q: I am battling with pornography addiction. It has wrecked my relationship with my partner and I do realise that I need help. Who would you recommend I contact? Also, what are you're fees?
A: I suggest you contact Kathryn our specialist sex therapist. You would need to contact her regarding the fee.

Q: Who do I get in contact with about the sexual abuse group therapy... and how much does it cost?
A: Contact Mandy 629 2399 or Helen 376 0158. They have a sliding scale fee so you would need to contact them regarding the fee.

Q: I am struggling with a few issues and need to see a counsellor, but I'm broke. Is there any free or subsidised services? I'm not a student or beneficiary but I only work part time.
A: There are a number of possible options - see our page on special funding.

Q: Thanks so much for your reply - my son is receiving treatment but I feel your comments re a review with private consultation are well worth looking at. We have got nowhere really with public system - too overstretched and he withdrew himself once his acute care went down to community care. Will follow up your suggestions but will talk to our doctor first (his GP too and very, very good) and also get support for ourselves.
A: I appreciate you getting back to me - wishing you all the best for making progress in these difficult circumstances.

Q: My son (40') highly intelligent and formerly coping with life reasonably well is now crippled by anxiety and practically unable to function. His anxiety is allied to OCD and a bi-polar disorder. Is there anyone out there who can help us help him please? His GP is outstanding and he is receiving good medication but I feel more intensive treatment is needed. (He is resistant to my suggestions by the way - I feel this is because he can only handle getting through each day just now. No work, mostly sleeping (had a breakdown at Easter) I would be grateful for ANY information at this stage.
A: Thank you for your question as this is such an important topic. I don't know what you have tried so please excuse me if I suggest things you already have covered.

There are heaps of services but they are fragmented as Auckland is split into three district health boards with a mixture of public and non-government contracted providers as well as Primary Health Organisation (PHO) and fully private services. Even for people it working in the field its a nightmare to work out who is who and the criteria for access. To get further help you will need to do some research and get vocal.

Most services are channeled through the Community Mental Health Services. Your son should be being supported by a CMHS, if not ask that the GP refer him. Once in contact with the CMHS ask for additional resources such as a psychiatric review, psychological services, respite care or community support workers.

If you are a hitting brick wall with your CMHS then there are a number of support and advocacy organisations such as the Mental Health Foundation and Supporting Families in Mental Illness though would be worth talking to.

If you can afford it get him a private psychiatric review and treatment plan. If he is willing get him seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist or psychotherapist experienced in working with psychiatric illness. You could even consider Ashburn House (residential treatment) - very expensive but with an excellent name.

Hope this helps - please let me know how you get on. See links for the web address the organisations I have suggested. NB Even with all this recovery may be very slow so it is also about looking after yourself.

Q: My wife and I are in our 40's and have been married for many years. We have been separated then back together (we were and i thought and still think, even though she doesn't admit it emphatically in love with each other) and our current relationship status is hanging on by a thread. She is withdrawing from me, things like I love you but not in love with you, your better off without me, move on etc. and I think this is all caused by an abusive relationship she had with a guy that she was dating when we were apart that physically traumatized here severely, even though she doesn't want to admit it. I love her dearly and devote my life to her, but she is emotionally turning into herself and causing a strain on our relationship. I want to help but she says she doesn't want help. At the moment the love is one way and is putting a strain on our family. I think we need counselling, but she says no. I want to address our situation, but I am finding it increasingly difficult and fear that we are heading for a meltdown again. Is there still hope for us? We also have a 16 year old daughter, and have been back together for 2 years. Dilemma.
A: Sometimes when people most need help it is the most difficult for them to admit it or to reach out. This is difficult for those around them that care for them. Talking this all through with a counsellor may help you clarify your feeling, evaluate you options and support you though this difficult situation.

Q: I'm 23, two years ago I was in a relationship with a girl who was five years older than me, but it didn't last long. So ever since we broke up, I have never been any other relationship. I try other girls but I always end up with luck. I was wondering if there is anything I can do?
A: Seeing a therapist for a short while may give you a chance to talk things through and help you rebuild your confidence.

Q: I am an anorexic male. Do you have any other MALE therapists that have experience with eating disorders as I note that Blair, recommended below, is not taking new clients?
A: I suggest you get in contact with Blair regarding this. He knows who's who in the eating disorder world and will be able to recommend you someone or give you an indication when he will be availability

Q: Are your counsellors non judgemental & supportive?
A: Yes. However good therapy can at times be challenging as change is not always easy or comfortable.

Q: What are some factors that minimise the risk of injuries?
A: I am am sorry I don't understand your inquiry.

Q: I have suffered from generalised anxiety disorder for years, but it has got a lot worse recently. I work in Epsom and live in Ellerslie. Who would you most recommend for helping manage anxiety in the areas I live and work?
A: I am happy to recommend any of the team for generalised anxiety disorder as they are all well qualified and experienced. In your area you have a good selection to chose from: Jay & Jenny in Epsom and a number of other in Mt Eden or Sandringham. As choosing a therapist is such a personal thing I encourage people to actively browse the profiles and give one or two of them a call and have a chat about their fees, available times etc. This will give you a feel for who you would like to work with.

Q: I have a problem with alcohol. Have you a male therapist you'd recommend?
A: Sure - Blair is experienced in working in this area.

Q: I have always struggled when it comes to my relationship with my mother as she has been a very domineering influence in my life [edited] I pretty much hate everything in my life as it is as I realise that everything I am now and everything I am doing was always just to please my mother and make her happy as I have always relied on her praise and approval to give myself a sense of achievement. I had contemplated suicide when I was fifteen but assured myself that I would be able to break away within a few years but four years on I realise, even though I don’t have to see or hear her every day, I’m carrying her voice around with me inside my head and all my decisions are pretty much compelled from the way I have been brought up. I have been contemplating suicide very recently and am afraid that I have no options left to take. Who would you suggest to see in regards to this issue?
A: I'm sorry to hear you not coping so well. As psychotherapists we are all trained to understand and work with you to overcome such difficulties. I suggest you browse the profiles and get a feel for who you would like to work with. (NB If you are at immediate risk of harming yourself please seek urgent help from an crisis service such as Youthline 0800 37 66 33 or Lifeline 0800 543 354.)

Q: I would like to know if one of you could help me with morbid jealousy or obsessive jealousy.
A: Working with intense or difficult emotions within relationships is a normal part of psychotherapeutic work. Those therapists who work with couples who are generally the more experienced in this area.

Q: Do you have any counsellors that work with self injury and anorexia?
A: We have two members of our team with particular experience with eating disorder Blair Schulze (Grey Lynn) Bron Deed (Sandringham). You may need contact them and have a conversation regarding the self-injury risks and a possible referral to the District Health Board's Eating Disorders Service.

Q: I went through a miscarriage about almost a year ago now and I'm finding it quite hard to come to terms with the loss as I really wanted this baby. I also just come out of a relationship and its really hard getting over the guy considering he was my first love is this all normal?
A: Sounds like you would like to move forward but are feeling stuck. If so it may be a good idea to work this all though with a therapist to free you up so you can get back on track and move forward.

Q: We care for a family member; he's in his 20's and we know that he needs to receive some counselling. I read below that this is one of the most difficult times for all concerned, actually seeking help. He agreed on one occasion to go to an appointment then later I found out he did not attend. Do you have any suggestions that might be of help please?
A: Sometimes it is reassuring for a friend or family member to take the person to the first appointment and wait for them during the appointment. The friend or family member may even join them in the session for at least part of the first session.

Q: I was referred to the ED Service in Auckland by my doctor, however was turned away as I wasn't considered 'sick enough'. Anyway ... what is considered 'long term' therapy, and how long does it generally last? What if the therapist gets sick of working with you, because recovery is obviously a long process?
A: Long term therapy is open ended - this may mean many months or even years - it is a serious commitment by the therapist to accompany you on your recovery journey for as long as it takes. In the unfortunate circumstances that the process must be brought to a close prematurely the therapist has a professional ethical responsibility to do this with all due care and consideration.

Q: I've had therapy in the past for three years for eating disorder issues and self harm. Ten years later and I'm still struggling with these issues. I don't want them to be such a big part of my life anymore, yet after years of therapy it still is. I'm beginning to doubt if I ever will recover from these things?
A: Eating disorder issues can be very serious, even life threatening and difficult to treat and can reoccur. Nowadays in Auckland we are fortunate to have a specialist Eating Disorder Services fully funded by the Auckland District Health Board offering a comprehensive range of treatment options. The Eating Disorders Service does not accept self-referrals. You must be referred by your GP, a Community Mental Health Centre (CMHC) or by a hospital. You must live in the Auckland region to qualify for treatment. Demand for the service is high and members of the EDS triage team liaise closely with referrers offering support and advice whilst clients remain on a waiting list for treatment.

Q: My 31 year old male friend, he is in NZ on a work visa, have huge hang-ups with himself, I suggested that he gets in touch with a psychotherapist. He holds everything inside, appears to be ok, doesn't speak much needs serious help.
A: Sometimes when people most need help it is the most difficult for them to admit it or to reach out. This is difficult for those around them that care for them.

Q: My Father in-law died some months ago after many years of Marriage. I am becoming increasingly concerned about my Mother in-law, who doesn't appear to be coping well at all. She does receive the pension and now also a living alone allowance. The funeral costs really set her and us back which brings me to my question - Do you know if she may qualify, for any financial help (from WINZ or anyone else) which may enable her to have some grief counselling?
A: Yes as a beneficiary she should be eligible for a WINZ counselling subsidy but she will need a doctors recommendation.

Q: What is the average cost per hour for therapy?
A: All our team are independent private practitioners so receive no government funding and have their own fees policies. Normally these are in the $90-$130 range per session. Some therapists have room to negotiate or offer advice on alternatives if this is unaffordable. Please do contact a therapist and have a chat. We will do our best to find a way to meet your needs or to suggest alternatives.

Q: I have been depressed for many years. I am in my 30's and have a low paying job and have a learning disability. I can not attract women of find a life partner. I am terrified I will be alone all my life and have contemplated suicide once 3 years ago. [edited]. Why are there no male therapists or male services to mentor and deal with people like me.
A: I am sorry to hear of your difficulties and struggles. Auckland therapy has a number of male therapists.

Q: Hi, I have a son in his 20's. He seemed to be a good boy since he was still young except, he kept on lying which started on small things, did not show interest in school. As he grow up, he continues to lie and resents being reprimanded if he does something wrong. He keeps on committing the same mistake in spite of our reminders. [edited].
A: How frustrating! Doing some family therapy together could be helpful. Generally the therapists that do couple work also work with families so you could get in contact with one of them and have a chat and take it from there.

Q: Hi, a lot of people are saying that I am 'mean' because of the things I tend to say. I have never been a fan of mincing words, and have always taken a more direct approach when it comes to voicing my thoughts. I used to like to think that I am no meaner than anyone else, and that I just say what other people are thinking, but everyone at work, and even my family say I'm mean, spiteful critical, horrible, dark and now I'm starting to believe them and it's really hurtful, especially considering the things I say don't truly reflect what I think, what I think it 10x worse so I hold back slightly. Do I have a problem? I still maintain friendships, and have a good relationship with my family, but they all seem to say the same things about me.
A: I imagine you are feeling quite confused at the moment. Yet it sounds like its time to take stock. Doing some therapeutic work on this would give you a chance to explore what is going on so you make make some sense of it all and decide how to move forward with this.

Q: Is it free for people under 18?
A: Unfortunately not as we receive no government funding.

Q: Yes hi, I am having real problems in a new relationship and I am concerned as I have very little confidence & have a lot of anxiety. I have lost 12kgs because I can't eat properly due to feeling sick all the time. Do I need to see a counsellor or who?
A: It seems you are really hurting - both emotionally and physically. I would recommend seeing one of our team that you can talk to about what is going on so you can sort it though, help you find your confidence in yourself and create a new way forward.

Q: Hi, I am in need of some help. I am in my 20's and outwardly I would appear to be a high achiever, with confidence and a long list of successes. However, I constantly battle myself. I think about suicide but could never hurt my family like that. I have poor self worth, confidence and body image. I am very self aware though and worry that antidepressants will take away my personality to the point where I cannot succeed as I have been doing. Long comment - what do you think?
A: Goodness this pretty much sounds like a recipe for depression and anxiety - its time to get some help!

Q: I'm in my 1st year of studying. I have a lot of friends wanting me to help counsel them, I advise them I'm not qualified, they get upset with me when I refer them to other agencies. How can I make them understand I'm only studying and don't have all the answers yet?
A: It is pleasing you are taking your professional ethical responsibilities seriously. I suggest you take this question to your teachers or therapist to explore it fully.

Q: What services do you's provide?
A: Auckland Therapy offers comprehensive counselling and psychotherapy services. In addition to individual counselling and psychotherapy we offer: Couples Counselling, Men's Counselling, Child & Adolescent Counselling Group Therapy and more...

Q: I think I may have G.A.D, as the symptoms fit they way I have felt for the last 5 years. How would I go about sorting this issue out, or diagnosing it? I have been trying to come to see someone about it for years, but as I get anxious and stressed I worry that someone will reject what I think, so I cannot persuade myself to go. I'm unsure what I should do about this.
A: Sounds like the level anxiety and stress is significantly impacting your self confidence. While each clients journey is unique psychotherapy allows you to build up a trusting relationship with your therapist so that you can untangle the symptoms and delve into their origins. The very act of doing this within the context of a relationship where you are cared for, accepted and understood is deeply therapeutic and allows you to discover new perspectives and capabilities within yourself.

Q: Have you worked with any patients who had previously done the landmark forum but found that it did not work for them after awhile and want to find out how to get back to the 'real world'??
A: Significant life transitions can take many forms including shifts in religion or faith, moving cities or countries, ending relationships, retirement, disability or illness, coming out, career changes etc. Such significant shifts can undermine our sense of identity which a therapy can be helpful in rebuilding. So while I do not the details of each therapist's practice I know that our team are skilled and experienced in working with life transitions.

Q: I am a counselling psychologist. One of my patients is a young man. He is addicted to pornography for many years. Now he wants to have sex all the time, but he lacks the confidence even to talk to a female leave aside take her to bed. He is now becoming psychotic to some extent. How can I help him?
A: Sounds like it is time to seek out some professional supervision. The following members of our team offer supervision services Linde, Liadan, Jenni, Helen, Frances, Deborah, David.

Q: Is there any support for people with bpd through Auckland Therapy?
A: As psychotherapists all of our team are experienced in long term work with clients with personality disorders including bpd.

Q: Does anyone work with TCK's (Third Culture kids) otherwise known as Global Nobads. I.e. adults who have issues relating to moving cultures, houses etc throughout their lives?
A: All of our team recognize and appreciate the importance of cultural identity and routinely work with the struggles of cultural difference and alienation. Any of our team are well qualified and experienced to work with cultural issues and three of our team have a particular interest in this area Liadan (Mt Albert, Jenni, (Pt Chev) and Shizuka (Northcote).

Q: Hi I'm in my 20's and I've used antidepressants for treatment for depression for almost 10 years. However I saw a doctor years ago who wanted me to visit someone at mental health for what I think he suspected to be bi-polar. I didn't go. I'm too embarrassed to talk about the things I've done (he was a great doctor and I opened up to him a bit more) I've had one session with a doctor and counsellor recently, and just started on antidepressants. I feel like my risk taking tendencies get worse on antidepressants, but really helps with my depressive side. I can't seem to talk to anyone about this honestly. Who should I contact?
A: Sounds important that you find someone that you can talk honestly about all this so you can keep yourself safe. I suggest you get in contact with one of the team and take it from there.

Q: We are concerned our son may be heading into trouble with young children he's in his 20's but tends to associate with young children we are concerned as to possible pedophile. We have no money were can we find help for him before he hurts someone.
A: If you could afford it I suggest you contact Kathryn our specialist sex therapist. Otherwise the organization to contact is Safe - www.safenz.org.nz, phone 09 377 9898, email info@safenetwork.org.nz - I suggest you contact them and have chat about your concerns and take it from there.

Q: Would you be able to recommend the best person to contact. My ex husband has been diagnosed and treated for bipolar condition and has narcissistic traits. Although we have been separated for a couple of years I am now finding it harder to cope and need assistance to develop strategies to deal with the aggressive emails and texts I continue to receive. I would like the children to have a relationship with their Dad but I am tired of having to modify my behaviour to keep the peace.
A: Any of our team would understand the toll that aggression and narcissism can take and the general difficulties of separation and divorce particularly where there are children. That said Shizuka (Northcote), Pauline (Albany), and have particular interests in the area of separation and divorce while Hamish (Te Atatu) or Helen (Herne Bay) are family court registered so experienced with such family issues.

Q: Hi, I’m facing a deep depression issue especially after break up with my girlfriend. And now it’s so intense that I can’t able to do even a normal work of my life. Even I start hating my life. What can I do? Please help.
A: I'm sorry to hear of your breakup and subsequent depression. It would be good for you to make and appointment to see one of our team. This may take a few days to organize so if you need immediate support then please do contact one of the helplines such as Youthline 0800 37 66 33 or Lifeline 0800 543 354.

Q: I want to break up with my boyfriend but he is suicidal.. I can't handle it anymore because it drove to depression at a point.. What do I do?...
A: What a difficult situation. Seeing a therapist would give you a safe and supportive space to talk this is all through and figure out a way forward.

Q: Hello, can you please inform me if anyone on the North Shore has ever dealt with the issue of sexsomnia before? and if not could you point me in the direction of some help, thank you.
A: We are fortunate to have a specialist sex therapist on our team so I suggest you contact Kathryn and have chat about your concerns and take it from there.

Q: My boyfriend loves me so much but he bores me, I accuse him, I overreact and sometimes I don't love him. Please help!
A: Sounds like its time you talked this through with a therapist. Rae-Marie has made quite a study of the psychology of boredom so she would be a good pick.

Q: Do you help with passive aggression?
A: As psychotherapists we address such relational patterns and the many ways emotions expressed including passive aggression.

Q: Our 18 year old son has trouble dealing with girl friend problems. He can not cope when there is conflict and becomes very depressed and has suicidal thoughts. This lasts for about an hour then he comes right and says he doesn't know why he goes down hill like that. He has been to specialist counselling previously but had no positive effect. His coping mechanisms seem to be working but if here is any advice you can offer please do.
A: It can be tough because therapy is such a personal thing - sometimes people just don't click with the first therapist or first therapeutic approach - what suits one person may not suit another. It is important to realise there are many different therapists and therapies. Also the more active engagement and buy-in you can get from your son the more likelihood of success.

Q: Who can diagnose Asperger's?
A: Asperger's is a complex and specialist field. I suggest you get in contact with Colleen who is an specialist in this field.

Q: Hi, I'm looking for a Christian based counsellor for couples. Do you have such counsellor? if you don't do you know any organisation or church who provide one? Many thanks.
A: Sorry I am unsure - perhaps approach your vicar / pastor / priest and get a referral from them.

Q: Hi I've had a very toxic relationship with my mother throughout my life. She has never shown any compassion or empathy and seems to enjoy tragedy in life. She is extremely manipulative in order to get her own way. My feelings have never been heard, and get a response of don't be a drama queen. She constantly lies denying events or behaviour to the point where she accuses me of being insane. [edited] I have looked on the net and think she maybe narcissistic but am unsure.
A: One thing about narcissists is that they treat others as an extension of them themselves. This can be very alluring as when you are in favour with them it can seem like you are basking in their 'magnificence' but without their attention it is like the sun has gone out. This often makes it very difficult for children of narcissistic parents to emotionally separate, build their own sense of self and have develop healthy self esteem without outside help.

Q: Hello! I have a 5 year old son, my only child. We recently visited his two cousins, a girl (5yrs) and boy (3yrs) for the first time. While playing together unsupervised one day, my son and the 5 yr old girl got naked together [edited] I didn't have a healthy sexual education as a child, and I am unsure about how to deal with this and other experiences we will have in the future. Is there someone who can advise me on this or point me in the direction of good resources? Thanks.
A: I suggest you contact Sue our child and family psychotherapist and have a chat to her about the situation and her services..

Q: My cousin has just come out that he is gay and I think he is feeling depressed. He abuses alcohol, and changes his whole personality when he is drunk. He told me that he was raped when he went to town in the weekend. Who could he talk to about this? I feel he really needs help?
A: I would encourage him to contact one of our our ACC registered therapists they are all experienced in working with trauma and with sexuality.

Q: Do you offer discounts for university students?
A: Our team are independent private practitioners so have their own fees policies. Some therapists have room to negotiate for those who might otherwise find therapy unaffordable. Where your doctor recommends counselling students and beneficiaries and even some low income may apply for a WINZ subsidy. Contact one of our team members for further details.

Q: Hi, I have a son who to me seems normal, he does struggle fitting in with other boys from time to time as he has issues with losing games or losing control in play situations, to me normal 9 year old behaviour that has been constantly improving for the last couple of years. My wife has always been concerned with this behaviour and talks to others. A part time teacher who helps both of our children with after school extra work has suggested that he may have mild Aspergers, she has no qualification to say this in my opinion, my question is, do you support educational professionals making these kind of statements and should parents take them seriously? Thanks.
A: To put your minds at ease maybe you should consider getting as specialist professional assessment - Colleen is qualified and experienced in childhood Asperger's assessment and diagnosis.

Q: Hi, I have been with my partner for almost two years now. It has been a very messy relationship, we have both been hurt and the scars remain with us creating trust issues and a controlling relationship both ways. However we both still see the good in our relationship and want to put the past behind us, unfortunately it is easier said than done. My partner is unsure about talking to any professional as he doesn't like the idea of anyone taking notes on us. In addition we are both still students and therefore can't afford expensive therapy. Is there anything you can think of that would help us move forward together and put the past behind us?
A: Talk with each other - even without therapy you can put time and effort into communication to :

Q: Hi, I have a sister who has a long term addiction to marijuana and is now wanting to get help via counselling and rehab. How much for these services via yous, or, because we live in Gisborne, do you know of any other services being offered closer such as in Napier or Hastings, and she is on the domestic purposes benefit, so are these services subsidised at all? Thanks.
A: See our alcohol and drug specialists. You will need to contact them for detail of their services and charges. In Gisborne you could contact the district health board's Awhina House, 232 Rutene Road Gisborne (06) 867 1764 which is a fully funded health service. If your sister wants to go private she could get a partial counselling subsidy from WINZ. I am not familiar with the Gisborne counsellors - a GP should be able to help a referral.

Q: Are your practitioners registered for EAP?
A: Hmm - bit complex - there are different EAP companies and different practitioners are registered with various of the companies - probably easiest if you go through your employer's HR - otherwise is there is a particular practitioner you wish to work with you would need to contact them directly and see what can be organised.

Q: I've got 4 kids to the same man, and one on the way, he's cheated on me few times..The weekend just gone he went out and I have a gut feeling that he done it again..he says I didn't do anything. I just want the truth! so I can move on and be happy!
A: Sounds like you could do some counselling to talk this all through - please contact any of our team to make an appointment.

Q: How do I know when the time is right to leave my partner?
A: People quite frequently come to therapy because they are unsure of their relationship. This gives them time to talk though the issues and sort out what is going on. Often this also gives them ideas for working on the relationship which will either improve or deteriorate until they reach a gut level knowing of it is over.

Q: I suspect my husband may have Asperger's syndrome. How can I get him tested? Is there help for me? I find it difficult to teach him how to parent and often end up parenting him.
A: I suggest you get in contact with Colleen. She will either be able to help you or point you in the right direction.

Q: I need to find an article about a person that's been abused and survived! I want to know how that person did it. Please?
A: Well there are many survival stories on the net and plenty of books available online from Amazom or even from Borders, Pathfinders or The Women's Bookshop in Auckland. Other than that you could phone Auckland Sexual Abuse HELP 24 hour confidential phone line: (09) 623 1700 and have a chat to one of their phone counsellors and ask for a recommendation or make an appointment with one of our counsellors and take it from there.

Q: H I am concerned for my brother he has an anger problem such as holding grudges very abusive verbally and physically holding onto a lot of pain such as his past and now trying to commit suicide how do I help him?
A: For general advice and support you friend could call Healthline 0800 611 116 which is a free 24 hours service staffed by experienced nurses and talk to them about your concerns. You could also contact a support organisation like Supporting Families in Mental Illness www.sfauckland.org.nz. Please note that if at any stage there is imminent risk him harming himself or another then seek urgent help. The emergency phone number for the Auckland Mental Health Crisis Team is 0800 800 717 or call emergency services 111.

Q: Hi I am a mother of three young girls 6yrs, 3yrs, 10mnth, and before life was tough, and even tougher every time small thing go wrong I always yelled and screaming and me and my husband always argue and I had enough of it please help me before its too late.
A: Sounds like you need some urgent parenting support. I suggest you call the Barnardos Parent Helpline (0800) 472 7368 - 9am and 5pm, Monday to Friday. Further if you or someone close to you is at imminent risk of harming themselves or another please seek immediate medical attention, immediate advice from a telephone help line such as Healthline 0800 611 116 or immediate help from emergency services 111.

Q: I am thinking about counselling for myself. I have never got this done before so am not sure where to start. Its for marriage problems. Can you let me know who to call and also provide me with an estimate of how much it will cost? Thank you .
A: I suggest you browse the profiles of our team that are located in your area and give one or two of them a call and have a chat about their fees, available times etc. This will give you a feel for who you would like to work with. Fees are generally these are in the $90-$130 range per session. Some therapists have room to negotiate or may suggest alternatives if this is unaffordable.

Q: 5 ways to reduce unwanted stress.
A: 1 Deep breathing, 2 Exercise, 3 Creative outlets, 4 Enjoyable activities, 5 See a therapist to work on the underlying issues.

Q: I have a friend who is severely depressed, has 4 children, live off of barely anything, has poor communication with her husband, suffering from health issues, and becoming very despondent. She has no money to go to a counsellor as neither do I to arrange it for her. Are there any government agencies that provide counselling to those who cannot afford the fees?
A: She may be able to access a some free help through her GP depending the particular district health board that she lives in and the primary health organisation her GP belongs to. Give the GP's practice nurse a call and see what they suggest. Apart from that there are a number of non-profit organisations that provide low cost counselling. Check with your local Citizens Advice Bureau for advice on this in your area.

Q: How I'll help a co-worker in grief about a friend pass away.
A: The rawness of deep grieving can leave friends and families of the bereaved feeling helpless, overwhelmed, and scared of making things worse. Because they are experienced in working with grief therapists can offer companionship to people in deep grief that others may struggle to provide.

Q: I was wondering if your therapists know about how to treat adult separation anxiety disorder. I think I've had separation anxiety on and off since childhood and its progressed into adulthood. I am seeing a therapist at the moment but I'm not sure he understands much about separation anxiety. I really need help on getting rid of it so I can have a healthy relationship.
A: Childhood relationship and attachment are central to psychotherapeutic training so any of our team should be able to understand and work with separation anxiety. As the origins of such anxieties are from early life so treatment is likely to be centred around a long-term reparative therapeutic relationship.

Q: Is there someone who could help with my problem, I get very uptight as a passenger driving at night in any weather especially on windy roads due to an accident over 20 years ago. I get extremely anxious and upset which normally leads to conflict with the driver and me in a worse state by the end of the journey. Any suggestions?
A: Such reactions to trauma are not uncommon though they generally lessen over time. I would suggest contacting any of our trauma specialists have a chat to them and take it from there.

Q: Would you be able to recommend the best person to contact; my partner is an alcoholic who also messes with substance abuse. He has a very short temper and the inability to deal with stress. He is not violent though. He has issues with his father and our relationship is not working although I really want to try and do what I can to help him. He suffers from anxiety, depression and insomnia. Please help.
A: See our alcohol and drug specialists. Please do contact one of them for a chat. We will do our best to find a way to meet your needs or to suggest alternatives.

Q: Where would I go or who do I ask for advice as to how to tighten up as after having children I am not tight anymore.
A: We are fortunate to have a specialist sex therapist on our team so I suggest you contact Kathryn and have chat about your concerns and take it from there.

Q: I was afraid that this would be the answer. Everyone that is with her for more than 3 or 4 hours can see that she is a danger to herself and to others just by "being there and acting the way she does" (cigarette issue & fires ~ driving a vehicle in the manner that she does).
A: Given the seriousness of your concerns it may be worth considering seeking legal intervention. Section 8 of the Mental Health (Compulsory Assessment and Treatment) Act 1992, often referred to as the Mental Health Act enables mental health services to compulsorily assess, treat or hospitalise people who have a mental disorder and are a serious danger to themselves or others, or have a seriously diminished capacity to take care of themselves. A judge will decide on this after hearing from the person, psychiatrist, lawyer, and perhaps others. You would need to seek specialist legal or medical advice on how to go about this.

Q: I have a very good friend who is having a terrible time with his wife's state of mind who is quite obviously imbalanced. It has taken him several months to even get her to see a psychiatrist. When he and her father took her to the therapist they were told to leave the room whilst the consultation took place. After the meeting, they asked how it went but were told that because of the privacy act, they could not be told anything without her consent and would not discuss anything with either her husband or father. Where in New Zealand can he go to seek consultative advice as to a correct course of treatment?
A: Under New Zealand law without the client's consent there is no way around this. For general advice and support you friend could call Healthline 0800 611 116 which is a free 24 hours service staffed by experienced nurses and have a chat to them about his concerns. Please note that if at any stage there is imminent risk of the wife harming herself or another then seek urgent help. The emergency phone number for the Auckland Mental Health Crisis Team is 0800 800 717.

Q: Would Auckland Therapy be able to successfully treat delayed ejaculation and retarded ejaculation?
A: We are fortunate to have a specialist sex therapist on our team so I suggest you contact Kathryn and have chat about your concerns and take it from there.

Q: I suspect my child is being sexually abused, who do I talk to or what do I do?
A: The NZ Children's Commissioner has published a set of guidelines - here is the link to a copy of their guidelines on their website - Children's Commissioner Guidelines. You could also contact Sue our child and family psychotherapist who is experienced in these matters and have a chat to her about the situation and her services.

Q: I am a 23 year old female and have severe jealousy issues towards my partner which have increased over the 4 years we have been together despite him giving me no reasons not to trust him I believe I have identified the root causes of these issues, however I still do not react any better when I feel myself getting jealous. Would seeing a counsellor help me find a way to get rid of these feelings?
A: It's great that you are looking to address such feeling. Working with a therapist would allows you to take your efforts to resolve this to the next level.

Q: What subjects are taken at school in order to be a counsellor in future?
A: There are no particular requirements but the most useful would be Communications, Te Reo, & English plus any arts and humanities and - whatever will help develop you as a fully rounded person and help you develop a broad understanding of human nature.

Q: My partner and I have been together for 2 and a half years now. We have broken up 3 times (the first two lasted less than 24 hours). The last time we broke up was for more than a week. We talked and I convinced him to give it another try because we both love each other but he wants it to be a one month trial and to sit down and talk at the end of the month etc etc....
A: How about you see a couples counsellor during the month then you can address relationship issues as they arise. We have excellent couples therapists on our team of therapists. I suggest you contact one or two them and take it from there.

Q: I've been with my partner going on ten years and since the beginning he had had and issue with porn and strippers. I recently found out the he also frequented prostitutes. Over the years its gotten worse, etc etc....
A: Sounds like you could really do with some support to talk it through and decide how to address this. Please contact any of our team to discuss this further.

Q: Hi I am 24 year old. I have got good education and full time job good money but still I feel bored at my job I don't feel that's what I am satisfied here. Recently I started one business and it turn out to be loss as the guy we bought business turn out to be a cheater. I am not getting able to forget that and stresses me a lot. I am becoming very sensitive and getting angry all the time feel like leaving this country. I do not know what is wrong with me please give me some suggestion.
A: Sounds like you could do with a therapist to talk this all though with. This would help you make sense of what has happened, how you feel about it, and what you can do to move forward. Please contact one of our team to discuss this further.

Q: Hi there, me and my partner have been together for about 3 years now and were just married last April. I noticed the change in him the minute he said I do. All the arguing and the fighting has just become to much for me and I have very weak and tired of all this. Some nights I find myself so angry, Worse case scenario - I've wanted to stab him or hurt him in some way that I would feel some kind of relief when he's is hurting. And the thing that really kills me is that our two year old son is right in the middle of all this. I try and communicate with him but he seems to be too good to talk nowadays. I am seriously considering marriage counselling or else I don't know what else I can do. Do you have any suggestions?
A: I urge you to urgently seek for help both for your own sakes and for the sake of your son. The situation sounds volatile and potentially dangerous. What's more living in a war zone is enormously stressful for children with long term consequences. Please contact one of our team to discuss this further.

Q: I'm a 23 year old female I have an alcohol problem its reaching my relationship with my partner. We have been together for 8yrs we always have arguments then it leads me to turn to alcohol to make me feel better. I can't get over my partners past with girls he's been with. I get angry easily and take it out on him or my kids or sometimes just get up and go and drink with friends. Can you please tell me what I should do about this?
A: It's time to seek help -see our alcohol and drug specialists. Please do contact one of them for a chat. We will do our best to find a way to meet your needs or to suggest alternatives.

Q: My partner and I have been together for almost five years. Unfortunately my trust was breached about 12 months ago, and gradually our relationship is deteriorating. At first I thought it would be something I could overcome, however I feel myself constantly wondering where and what he is doing. We are still communicating but we are both at a crossroads. He moved out yesterday, but we are willing to give counselling a go. We feel that this could be our last chance of being able to salvage something that means so much to the both of us. Are you able to suggest where or who to talk to?
A: We have a an excellent team of couples therapists. I suggest you contact one or two closest to you and contact them to check out their availability etc.

Q: My partner and I have just had our 1st child. My partner is constantly involved with the police. We are a young couple, he is looking @ jail time at the moment. He wants to change his life for our son but he can't seem to do it. His family doesn't support him in anything he does and I'm his only support. He won't open up to me about anything and he just holds it all inside. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up on him. He needs me and I need him, he loves me and our son but he can't change his ways and open up. Please tell me what I could do.
A: Perhaps you could do some couples counselling together. With both your son's wellbeing and relationship at stake you may need to be insistent and not take 'no' for an answer. We have an excellent team of couples therapists. See a map of Therapist Locations or find Auckland Therapist by suburb.

Click on this link to see the therapists in your area.

Q: My son is 14 years old, he doesn't have many friends. In fact, the only friends he has are 2 girls. He just sits around all the time and plays with his Bratz dolls. He brushes their hair and changes their clothes. His favourite holiday is Halloween, when he can dress up. He is very mild tempered, quiet, and very much to himself. He has told me before that he wishes he was a girl. But, he also has said that he doesn't see himself with another man in adulthood. I just don't know what I should do, or if I should do anything. Please direct me. Thank You.
A: Growing up with gender traits that vary from the social norms can be tough on kids. Not only may it be confusing for them they are at risk of being bullied or ostracized. This in turn can lead to social withdrawal, anxiety or depression. I suggest you contact Sue for further help.

Q: I am a 23 year old female. I have issues with constant negative thinking and I get upset/angry over very small things and often feel very sensitive. I think up negative scenarios in my head and it often affects my moods. Sometimes people will joke with me and I take it seriously and get offended and sometimes I get angry about these things. I feel this is going to severely affect my relationship and I am worried about my attitude and constant mood changes and want it to stop. How to I change this?
A: What a great first step in identifying and acknowledging patterns that are not working well. Unfortunately most people find change difficult and many pretty well impossible by themselves. Working with a therapist allows you together to make sense of these patterns and offer support and encouragement in developing more satisfying ways of living.

Q: I'm 16 years old, I feel tired and sad all the time, I get angry really easily and I'm always getting into arguments with my family. I have been self harming for 3.5 years now. I constantly think about death. I feel as though I don't fit in anywhere and hate my life. I've told a few close friends about my cutting and they don't seem to understand. Help what's going on?
A: Sounds like you are suffering from depression and could really do with some support. Please do contact Jay or Sue to either work with or for advise on how to best get help.

Q: What constitutes sexual abuse? From the age of 5-14 I started having sex with males the same age as me to 20yrs my senior, however I didn't say no or try to stop what was going on, in fact I enjoyed it at the time, but I do feel like this has had a major impact on my life. Is there any help for someone in my situation?
A: Your young age means these events certainly constitute sexual abuse and will very likely have had a major impact on your life. I would encourage you to contact one of our our ACC registered therapists to discuss this further.

Q: I am 20 years old, I had a back injury nearly two years ago and I am in pain everyday. I have seen a lot of medical people and i am currently seeing a neuromuscular specialist to help me but this will take years and I will never fully recover. The chronic pain I feel everyday is taking its toll on my life and my emotions. I don't want to get out of bed anymore because when I am asleep I don't feel any pain. How do I go about getting some help to get my life sorted and get over this injury and just live? I am beginning to hate my life, i don't go out anymore accept to work but that's only part time. I am a poor student with a life long injury, can you help?.
A: There are a number of possibilities - Emma has specialist training in mind-body issues. If it was from an injury covered by ACC you may be able to get ACC funded trauma counselling from one of our ACC registered therapists or you may be able to get WINZ funding. Please get back to us if you need further help at any stage.

Q: I am married for three years now and have tried conceiving for a baby with my husband for quite some time now, but we are unable to conceive. It has now started to affect me and I feel I have all the signs for stress and depression. Trying for a baby has became an obsession for me. I don't enjoy doing any thing like I use too. nothing seems to keep my mind off from thinking of having a child of my own. My husband doesn't say much but I know deep inside even he wants the same thing.
A: How heart wrenching. Sounds like it time to start taking care of yourself. A good place to start would be having someone to really talk to about all this either by yourself or as a couple. Please contact one of our team and take it from there.

Q: Hi, Me and my husband recently got married, we had a arranged marriage by our parents. We both we're in relationships before the engagement, however I kept seeing my boyfriend after the engagement as I did not take the engagement too seriously. After we got married my husband found out about my affair during our engaged period. I really love my husband and he loves me too, we want to both stay together, but it's very hard for him to forget about the pass. Who can you recommend that can help.
A: We have a an excellent team of couples therapists. I suggest you contact one or two closest to you and contact them to check out their availability etc.

Q: Hi. I am 32 year old female and I am finally looking to get help with sexual abuse that i was victim to by my step mother's father when I was a child. Also I have recently had a conversation with my younger sister in Australia who is getting counselling with similar issues has had a positive outcome has convinced me that it is time. I think due to my behaviours as an adult have lead me to the point that I want to move forward. Can you advise me of someone who would be suitable to see and would prefer a female.
A: Our registered ACC sexual abuse counsellors are all experienced in working in this area. This also means you may be able to get some partial funding for your therapy. They are at various location throughout Auckland. Click on this link to see the list.

Q: My 78 year old mother suffers severe anxiety and stress. She has been medicated for 5 years with no improvement. She is in desperate need of help. Do you provide a geriatric service?
A: We have no specialists in this field but if you called around a few of our team I am reasonably confidence you would find someone who would be more than capable and happy to work with your mother.

Q: I'm a young student but when I'm at home I'm always out of control and I'm always not getting along well with the people that stays with my father and stepmum. I'm not really good at talking to others of my personal problems of want I have been through the last few years I grew up in a violent childhood but managed it through my age and teenager now I'm a fully grown young women etc etc.
A: I'm sorry to hear you not coping so well. If you are at immediate risk of harming yourself or another then please seek urgent help. The emergency phone number for the Auckland Mental Health Crisis Team is 0800 800 717. Otherwise please contact one of our team to make a counselling appointment.

Q: I am a very sexual 59 yr old man who loves his wife and enjoys a rewarding relationship with her (also 59) but we have very disparate interest in sex and she is becoming even less interested. She often depends on my instigating sex and its just not my style. I depend on at least a modicum of female sexuality for my own interest. I am frustrated by my wife's apparent lack of interest and what I see as her lack of effort towards physical intimacy. This may or may not be my own fault, either way I do not know what to do. My gut feel is she needs to change her attitude or seek medical help.
A: It certainly can be difficult when there is such an imbalance in a relationship. If this leads to a breakdown in communication this can lead to further loss of intimacy which makes things worse. Couples therapy may be able to help you talk though this through and find a way to reinvigorate your relationship.

Q: I am about to have my step son become part of our house hold due to the fact his mother cant take him any more and is scared of him as he violently attacked his teacher leaving him black and blue he is ADHD and is a teen what help does he need and could you help him.
A: I suggest you contact Sue our child and family psychotherapist and have a chat to her about the situation and her services.

Q: I have been feeling unusually tired, sad, pathetic and pessimistic. I have talked to a close friend already but they don't truly understand. This has been going on for more than a few weeks and it has gotten to the stage that I will feel like crying for no apparent reason, which is very unlike me. I have found myself almost trying to block myself out from everything that is happening around me; I constantly think about death and don't understand why I carry on in a world like this. But I have never attempted anything close to suicide, it has occurred to me but I know how much that would hurt my family and I could never hurt them. I am easily irritated and drowsy almost dead, in a zombie like state. Please help what is going on?
A: The combination of physical, mental and emotional changes your symptoms strongly point towards depression. Given the length and severity of the symptoms I would urge you to seek help from one of our team.

Q: I've a partner who is a positive and loving person. But she has the need to control the family environment and social scale, and when under the influence of alcohol, it just all blows up and results in hurting loved ones. She can switch and over reacts at anything she sees she does not like. Please help.
A: When someone is in denial it is very difficult to get through to them but you do them no favours by tolerating or excusing their abusive behaviour.

Q: Man's issue and premature ejaculation. Do you cure that sort of thing?
A: Sexual dysfunctions are complex with a usually a mixture of physical and emotional origins. While all our team are experienced with the emotional aspects of sexual issues Kathryn is our sex specialist so she would be one to contact about an evaluation and treatment options.

Q: Hi. I'm 22 years old and identify as a FTM transgender and would like to know who I'd see about gender identity issues?
A: I generally suggest ringing around and having a chat with a few therapists to find a comfortable fit - the following have particular interest or experience in working with sexuality and or gender Catherine (City), David (Ponsonby), Liadan (Mt Albert), or Deborah (Howick).

Q: What are the needs that might be required by a person with this condition in terms of: Physical support, Social support and Cognitive support?
A: I presume you are referring to the inquiry below. Recovery from sexual abuse can be a long and difficult journey. Of course support is important but only to the degree that the person is ready to and able to accept support. This is because the rebuilding of trust from the enormous betrayal of sexual abuse is often slow step-by-step process.

Q: I've been through ACC for the initial assessment for a sexual abuse claim. I've talked to a therapist and found it incredibly painful in fear of stigma and shame to the point I couldn't go through the rest of the sessions. Sex and sex addictions is a very sensitive and personal problem and I need help to go through the healing and recovery. How do I find someone I can be comfortable with to deal with sexual issues, and how do I cope/overcome the debilitating fear of talking about those issues?
A: Thank you for your inquiry. Firstly I would like to acknowledge the tremendous courage that you have shown already. As therapists we are keenly aware of the difficulty that you talk about. This is part of the reason that we have so vehemently apposed the recent ACC changes. Sexual abuse is often locked in secrecy and shame. Remember the therapy is for you - it is your space - you can take things at your own pace - you can wait until you are ready and only as much in any session as you want. If it gets overwhelming let your therapists know so you can address the anxiety together.

Q: My ex husband suffers from depression and extreme anxiety. This has been for some years and he admits he is not enjoying life. He obsesses over various things, at the moment money and "blows up" when something unexpected happens causing great stress for me and my teenage kids. I feel like his brain is damaged. He won't seek medical help. Where can my kids and I get help dealing with him and the effects of his behaviour? I am at breaking point and very concerned about the longer term effect his behaviour will have on my kids.
A: This certainly draws attention to impact of such problems to those around them, particularly their family and children. Any of our team would be happy to support you and help you find a way forward.

Q: I have friend who son feels that he can read people minds, stares into space, says he feel he has metal in his head, he recently went for a blood test all test are normal, but my friends son says he feels that his blood was all drained out. Is there anyway you can help or suggest what can they do, I'm very concerned for my friend & son, we want to help them any in way we can. Please help thanks.
A: We can do a preliminary assessment and refer on for psychiatric help where necessary. If you feel he is a risk either to himself or to others is is important to take this very seriously. You could call Healthline 0800 611 116 which is a free 24 hours service government funded health advice line staffed by experienced nurses and have a chat to them about your concerns.

Q: Our daughter is 6.5 years old and she is very angry lately if we don't let her go to our neighbour's house for example, or invite some school friends of her, or not buy her something that she saw in a store. Her anger becomes stronger and stronger with drama, tears, bad language, nervous tensions, blackmailing us, etc. We tried several things but nothing is working. If you fulfill her wishes on Sunday and on Monday not the drama starts over and over. Please advise where we should go to ask for help. Thanks.
A: I suggest you contact either Sue our child and family psychotherapist.

Q: Hi, I would like to get some help in dealing with workplace issues - ideally in problem solving and developing strategies for coping. Could you please recommend a suitable therapist? (City central/Epsom/Remuera area)
A: Pretty much any of our team - I suggest you pick a couple, phone them up and have a chat to get a feel for them and their approach and then go from there.

Q: I have looked for evidence of the effectiveness of RDI and there is none as yet. Other than articles written by the developer of the approach. Are you able to tell me of any other published research? I have a child with autism and obviously don't want to spend a great deal of money on an unfounded therapy.
A: I understand there is a recently published study. Contact Colleen for a copy.

Q: My parents and my wife don't speak and practically hate each other, but neither of them seems to want fix the situation. I would like to take them all to a therapist. Where do you suggest we go (we are in Auckland city centre) and how much is it per session?
A: Any of our couples counsellors are used to working with family dynamics. Contact one or two to check them out. Costs are in the $90-$130 range. Some therapists have room to negotiate if this is unaffordable.

Q: My 14 year old son is feeling alienated and feels he doesn't fit in at school. He has been like this for quite some time. He feels like he is surrounded by morons. I think he is depressed. He has talked to me about school which sounds like hell on a daily basis. He is being bullied and has a low self esteem. He rarely smiles anymore. I want someone to listen to him and give me an opinion on what he needs. It's breaking my heart to see him in pain.
A: How very distressing. Sue our Child Psychotherapist is the therapist to contact.

Q: What's the difference between a psychotherapist and a psychologist?
A: Both psychologists and psychotherapists address emotional distress or psychological distress. Psychologists understand human being from the outside in - they use generalised approaches with little appreciation of individual difference. Psychotherapists approach this from the inside out - through therapy the client comes to their own unique self understandings which in turn promotes meaningful change.

Q: If the person will not seek help?
A: Hmm difficult - you could call Healthline 0800 611 116 which is a free 24 hours health information service staffed by registered nurses and have a chat to them about your concerns.

Q: I've been looking into social phobia on the internet, is it possible social phobia/anxiety can cause blackouts? I've been diagnosed with depression in the past but being medicated never helped me answering the phone, talking to people, being in public or passing out when put in stressful social situations. So I have come off my meds and I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me.
A: Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint is common with panic attacks. Please do contact one of our team if you would like further help.

Q: I'm concerned that my partner may have ADHD or bipolar disorder which is undiagnosed. I have looked up on the internet and found most of the symptoms in him and its becoming worse. Don't know where to go from here, can you help?
A: We can do a preliminary assessment and refer on for psychiatric help where necessary. If you feel he is a risk either to himself or to others is is important to take this very seriously. I suggest you call Healthline 0800 611 116 which is a free 24 hours service and have a chat to them about your concerns.

Q: Our son is a teenage dad and he and his partner are becoming more alienated toward each other due to the interference by her family. Are there any organisations that specialises in teenage relationship counselling and/or parenting. We sense they want to be together but when it starts working well, something happens and they split with conflict. Parenting is hard enough without being a teenager and new to relationships. Would welcome input. Thank you
A: I suggest you try Youthline and see what they suggest or contact Sue and have a chat to her.

Q: I am worried that I don't know what sort of therapy I need. What if psychotherapy is not right for me??
A: Part of the purpose of this website is so you can make informed decisions about therapy. If you have questions please ask away or call up one of our team and have a chat.

Q: How confidential is what we would talk about?
A: Confidentially is taken very seriously by therapists. What is said in the room stays in the room with the following exceptions: Firstly as part of good professional practice therapists routinely discuss aspects of the therapy our supervisors. Secondly (and very rarely) we have legal duties to disclose where there is serious and imminent risk of harm to the client or another person.

Q: What if I start with a therapist and I don't want to continue?
A: Well sometimes therapist and client are just not a good fit and despite the best efforts of both things just don't click. Please do talk to your therapist about your concerns.

Q: I am wanting to know if you work along side WINZ and how much per hour?
A: Yes our team can work alongside WINZ however there may to be a top up fee. Please contact a therapist to discuss further.

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